


Season of Illusions

by jacintoo



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 05:36:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14513673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacintoo/pseuds/jacintoo
Summary: When your face felt the first breeze of warmness from the winter, you knew the spring was coming. It was coming, even the bitter coldness was little by little consumed by serenity, the air was warm like the water in the cup holding by Kazuhira Miller as always when he supported his favorite soldier. V could picture this scene in his mind when he was dying on the ground.





	Season of Illusions

When your face felt the first breeze of warmness from the winter, you knew the spring was coming. It was coming, even the bitter coldness was bit by bit consumed by serenity, the air warm like the water in the cup holding by Kazuhira Miller as always when he supported his favorite soldier. V could picture this scene in his mind when he was dying on the ground. He'd probably die from heavy blood loss in a minute. Everything was reversing. Cold, cold that he never experienced before. All the good or bad things that he treasured or hated in his life passing in front of his eyes, there were some worth to not forget. He thought of Kaz now, the man that he chose to left years ago. He had several chances to say hi but he never did, and that was probably the thing he regretted the most now. The only man he can reach now was Big Boss. But what's the meaning of making that call? If keeping his reticence was a signal of mission complete, he should agree to that.

He closed his eyes, enjoying this last moment of pain in his life that couldn't be shared to anyone. He had a strange feeling that there was a hidden compass in his heart, guiding him like he was on a boat floating in peaceful foam. And when he contrived to open his eyes, no, the ceiling wasn't the same as he saw it several minutes ago.

There was a bit of lights shining upon him. He looked at his own palm in awe and a strange idea came into his mind.

"Kaz…" he called his ex-commander's name.

There was no response, like he wasn't even there.

Maybe I have become a ghost, or simply just that his voice was too low to be heard.

He turned around, and wanted to leave the room. But wait, there was something familiar in this room. He looked at the poster on the wall, and that was the one they had in Diamond Dogs. When he looked at Kaz once again, and he found Kaz turned around and was looking at him as well. And the anxiety was suffused through the sunglasses.

"You're looking at me?" V asked with an astounded tone.

"Of course, Boss. Do you feel well? It makes me uneasy to see you looking at me like a stranger."

That young voice from the old days, so nostalgic, yet so new that it made V's mind in disarray.

"No, Kaz, I just…" he sighed, "It's hard to describe."

He almost fell from the bed behind him. Kaz helped him to keep the balance at first, but in the end he became the man who needed the help.

"What happened? Where am I?" he got off the bed even though Kaz gave him a sign to stop. He looked around.

It was so familiar that it only took him a second to realize that it was a ward in the medical center of Diamond Dogs. But the question that was already asked seemed to greatly panicked Kaz who hurried to the outside and called his best medic's name over and over. Quickly a second man's footsteps could be heard getting closer. The medic came into the room with Kaz.

"Boss seemed to have symptoms of amnesia. " Kaz scowled at the medic, "Any ideas on how it could be?"

"Kaz, calm down." In fact, he would like to say this to himself as well, "Ok, I know where I am now, but what just happened? Why am I here, sitting on a bed?"

Kaz gasped.

"I've never read amnesia in the symptom list of vocal cord parasites." The medic answered.

"Maybe you didn't read the full list, or maybe… get code talker here now! Boss!" Kaz finally turned to his boss, "Do you remember the second outbreak that caused deaths of our soldiers?"

Ah, it was at that time. Thanks for telling me that, Kaz.

"It's definitely not a symptom of vocal cord parasite." the medic interrupted after he checked V's buccal cavity and pupils.

"Sure. Kaz, calm down and have a seat, no need to get code talker here. I know I'm fine."

Kaz hesitated for a moment, then put aside his cane against the corner of the desk and sat down.

"I really shouldn't have agreed you to go alone. I could have come with you."

"You wouldn't believe what I've just experienced. Anyhow, I'm glad I can see you again."

"I was just out for a few days for a business trip." Kaz chortled, "You made it sound like we haven't met each other for a decade."

"I know, Kaz," he said in his gruff voice, "it was like a dream. All like a dream."

That would be the only cogent explanation that he could give to his commander. Somehow, he couldn't control himself from smiling.

He looked at the corner of the room where it placed several boxes of first aid and needles. And Kaz was still wearing his fedora with DD logo. He wouldn't want to tell him how much he missed all of those details. If this man was in US military, there could be a lot of insignias on his coat already. Everything in this room reminded him the old good days that made him so homesick now. They were the golden days in his life. He had no idea why he was back to the past, or maybe he was simply in a parallel world, but it was a pleasure to enjoy every second of it as no way what was happening now was in his memory.

This must be a gift. He had already cleared his mind. If I am here, why not just accept this like what it is? However, Kaz was still very impatient. He was still gripping his fist.

"And the moment when you asked us to carry the ashes of diamond dogs on the battlefield, you remember that too?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Great, great." he knocked the floor with his cane, "On our way back to the commander room, you passed out suddenly like you were knocked out by someone."

"Huh?"

No, what really happened, was that he was back to the helicopter, and there Kaz called him and confessed him lots of things that he loved about, then he went on a mission. He could even see himself walking to the helicopter alone. Nobody had taken that part of memory from him yet. He had no idea what to expect next.

The medic made a sign to V to take off his clothes. He knew what to do. It was a bit embarrassing to open his chest and be such an obedient man in the presence of Kaz as the eyes of the latter never left him. His face flushed with a tinge of red, it made Kaz smile and look away. He knew what Kaz was thinking from that smile. There were a lot of times that he accompanied with Kaz to check his limbs' condition. He had seen Kaz's naked body a couple of times but Kaz never saw his because he never got sick. Now looking at this smile, he knew it was like a revenge for sure. 

The medic failed to give a proper answer to his commander, he typed something into the computer next to him and locked Venom in this ward until the full result came out. Kaz nodded, and when he asked if anything he needed to care about. The medic said, "It will be ready a few hours later, let's see if there's anything."

"I'll inform Ocelot as well." Kaz said with a stern face.

And several minutes later, Ocelot and Miller came to the room each looking at the other before they entered the room. Ocelot held a plant in his hands like it was something ostentatious to him. He put it on a desk in the corner. Now he looked at this room, it was almost the same as the one of Paz that he imagined.

"Miller said it was your favorite flower and it would be good to be put here. While I don't think it's necessary. " he particularly accentuated the word "favorite" like it was a very ridiculous thing that Miller had known about and he didn't.

Venom found it funny too, because he didn't even know he had a favorite flower. He looked at the flower, chrysanthemum, that was actually Kaz's favorite. He remembered a conversation back in MSF, when there was a priceless moment that he and Kaz were alone in a room, and Kaz asked him what was his favorite flower. He didn't know the answer, so instead he asked Kaz what was his, and that was when Kaz told him chrysanthemum, he said, "So is mine." That was his answer. He didn't know if Kaz still remembered that, despite all the business Kaz had to take care of in MSF, there was a vase of chrysanthemum on his office later on the other day, and V was the one that put it there.

"From what I see, Boss looks damn healthy. May I remind you, Boss didn't even say a word in that quarantine base." Ocelot turned to Miller.

"I didn't say it could be vocal cord parasite, it could be something else."

"Or nothing."

"I hope. Not bad. " Kaz hushed and turned to the flower, "I know that chrysanthemum is actually my favorite. But thanks." As Ocelot left the room, his tone had become somewhat more casual. His eyes were on several petals before they went flirtatious and fixed on V's eyes, "It'll create a better environment, don't you think? Having a few hours being blocked from the chaos and agitation outside. " Kaz closed the door. He wanted to find a place to sit but he gave up in the end, maybe his mind wasn't really functioning well enough to complete this small task.

"What's on your mind now?"

"I'm sorry. I couldn't focus. All the symptoms that I saw in this mother base were deranging my head. Yes. I've got two quotations and one report to read, ah no, now two reports. Can be considered as a relaxing day still."

Venom smiled, "You really look like the one who needs sleeps more than I do."

Kaz looked at the clock, "Remember that when you rescued me, I told you I wouldn't rest."

"Postpone the meeting."

Kaz looked surprised to hear it, probably because he had never interfered any business affairs of Kaz before.

"I won't object if you want me to stay." Kaz looked at his shoes and chuckled, "Actually it was quite an important report."

Venom stood up, he abruptly came closer to Kaz and held his waist to tug him back inside the room, "How important is that?"

Kaz however, didn't seem to be too flummoxed by his boss' question. He was forced to sit down in an armchair while V came to pick his cane and put it aside.

"So, what do you want me to start then?" said Kaz softly.

"From the beginning. I'd like to hear a story from you. So give me one."

Kaz laughed, he shook his head. His eyes behind the sunglass squinted at V before they opened wide.

"You're different today, I can feel it."

"What? Because I talked a lot?"

"Hard to say. Hmm, it's the nuance in your tone, more or less. Alright, let's talk about the report."

"Okay."

"There was an isolated village. Well, sure there are a lot of isolated village in Afghanistan, but this one was quite special. They had some sort of diseased crept all over there, and until the Soviets arrived and found them, most of the people were already dead. So, as usual, the Soviets burnt the dead bodies, you know the reason, to stop the epidemic. " he paused for a second, "Unfortunately, at least for them, a Soviet soldier got infected by the disease and died. Now I'm not talking about the disease, it's nothing related to the disease."

"Okay what it is about then?"

"It's what happened after that interested me."

V smirked, "Don't tell me he came back to life."

"Ha!" Kaz sat stiffly, "In his wife's dream. And do you know where did she live? U.S.S.R."

"Did she know that her husband was dead at that time?"

"Yes, according to her husband's comrade."

"She missed her husband and kept dreaming of him, seems perfectly normal to me." V interjected.

"Let me continue the story."

"Sure."

Kaz budged a bit, like he was going to surprise his boss, "In her dream, she wasn't the one who met her husband, but the one who was her husband. She said she felt like she had two souls talking at each other in her body. Let's make an example. You and I -"

"That's a very appropriate example."

Kaz laughed, "My pleasure. And what you said, she dreamt of her husband. Or something could be more interesting, her husband invaded her dream."

"I see what you mean. People in dreams can be very creative. And she gave this information to her husband's comrade?"

"Yeah, and her husband's comrade didn't take it seriously, he thought it was a ghost story from a half-lunatic woman, like thousands of other ghost stories. Until, one day when they decided to return the body of the soldier to his homeland, and they found the body went missing."

"Huh?" He wasn't really surprised to hear it, he was surprised that Kaz would care about a missing Soviet soldier.

"I finally whet your appetite, V. " he said when V smiled, "And guess what, at the same night, across the frontier, in Soviet, the woman died, from a heart attack. They said she was lying on the bed like she died in a good dream."

"You know what, I bet every country has a ghost story like this." V raised his eyebrows, "I'm not trying to disappoint you, Kaz. I know you pick the targets with purposes, and maybe you saw some opportunities behind but I personally don't see it."

Kaz wanted to explain, he tried to get up, but he failed. His eyes closed and he grimaced before he could sit back on his chair, like something neuralgia was pricking his nerve, something that's called Phantom Pain. Venom quickly got up, he knew what Kaz was suffering. He was gratified that they were already a medical equipment in the next room. He demanded Kaz to keep quiet and wait for him to get a painkiller.

The pain wasn't real, but Kaz still needed the painkiller to get rid of the phantasmal agony in his mind. So the painkiller wasn't real either, it was an ampoule of nothing but glucose. When the first time Ocelot saw Kaz have the phantom pain in his command room, he gave the order to their closest medic to gave him some shots of glucose without telling him the truth. Later Ocelot reported it secretly to V, and V consented. Till now there were only three persons knew the painkiller for Kaz was the special ones. Now that he was back with the kit. Kaz's eyes flickered at him then he turned away, like he didn't really want his boss to do the injection. Venom didn't really want to care Kaz' feeling at the moment. As a medic himself he knew how to be professional.

"Snake! " he sounded like he was snapping, a drop of sweat trickled through his blonde hair, "I could just take care of myself."

"Just relax." V came behind the chair, "I'll be gentle."

Kaz tried to get up, but he really couldn't. He couldn't defy his boss' command, his whole back stiffened like a rock when V's mechanic fingers touched on his warm shoulder and stripped the trench coat off in a gentle and dexterous way that didn't really hurt any cell of his skin. When the clothing fell on the back of his waist, V extracted it and threw it on the bed that he had previously sat on. Kaz looked like he was totally smitten and unable to fight back. He scoffed like it was one of the ridiculous things he had.

"I'll hold your arm for a while." V bent down, moving his face closer to Kaz' shoulder. Slowly, he lifted Kaz' arm.

"For what?" Kaz tilted his head.

"For taking off your shirt as well." V circled around. He sighed while Kaz smiled at him too like they were breathing something funny in the air. V untied Kaz and started to unbutton the shirt. Somehow, he had the feeling that Kaz might no longer need the painkiller. But still, he opened the collar of Kaz and gave him a shot into the skin of Kaz's glowing naked shoulder.

"Thank you, V. I really mean it." He lifted his collar. The finger of his touched the button, but V softly flung it off. Kaz gasped, he wanted to say something really stupid. But his eyes gazed at the sophisticated mien of V in such a close distance, his words slipped away from his lips. V didn't catch this moment, his only blue eye was only focusing on the buttons of his shirt. When he finished, he lifted his head and their eyes met. Kaz pouted, and V did the same thing. But he knew that was the closest distant he could ever have. One centimeter closer, Kaz would just turn his head and tell you he wasn't that type of man.

"Shall I continue the report?" Kaz sighed with relief, looking at the ceiling.

"Continue."

"Maybe the way I depicted the story gave you the wrong impression. There's nothing looking important in this strange love story. But we found this report titled File 872580090, unencrypted, lying on the table at one of the outposts we monitored. And thanks to our great staff members, the report was clandestinely swapped by a replica from us. Now that's the really interesting part."

"You're saying that you planned a virus in it. What did you want to do? Trying to infect one of the Soviet databases?"

"Think of it in this way, Snake." Kaz lowered his head and stroke the arm of the chair, "If we can spy on the Soviet's network, whatever how large the network this file can reach, it could be a very useful resource to sell. I'm sure there'd be buy who's willing to pay a high amount of money. Furthermore, the file itself has already encrypted and been sent, the first gate passed, and not much effort we have made with. The rest of the path might be risky, but it was paved in gold, could be a lucrative business, don't you think?"

"Throw them off the scent if anything goes wrong."

"Sure, and in this worst case, we still got their encryption method. Remember the orderly that you extracted last month? He did the job. What a talented man you have brought in."

"Let's just hope that the encryption method doesn't change every day. " V cleared this throat, "Speaking of talented soldiers, how long haven't you been to Prep-Sortie room?"

Kaz looked at his boss in wonder, his mind clock ticked fast enough to the right point of what V was implying and got a bit confused. Because he just accompanied with Venom to Prep-Sortie room last week.

"I guess I should answer your question." Kaz gazed at the floor his chair was on and his body slightly quivered, "I'm wondering now how many memories you have slipped."

"No, OK, I have to admit that the timeline in my mind is a bit rumpled right now." V gave a halt sign, "Anyhow, what I meant is we go on a mission together, going there for yourself, not for me."

Needless to say, V knew that Kaz changed his mind later and had his bionic arm, not for him, for Solid Snake. It was very tormenting for V to see all the wishes from the past comrades Kaz determined to carry on with his life without a bionic arm. And yet he changed his mind and did have one for Solid Snake. There was some part of jealousy that pushed him to change this history. He never really asked his personal opinion of having a bionic arm. He had a little hope that if he asked, Kaz would do this for him.

"Ocelot asked me the same question." Kaz said in a tired voice, "And I already gave him my answer."

The distance allowed V to lift the tie of Kaz, "Don't tell me you tied it by yourself."

"It is either Ocelot who helps me or my adjunct. In rare cases, I tied it myself."

"Ah…" V drawled, his face was obviously with dissatisfaction.

"I will think about it." Kaz said flatly.

"With a bionic arm, you could train staff members better."

"That's why we had Ocelot here, right?"

"Three times already. OK, I won't ask again."

"Excuse me?" Kaz lifted his head.

"You said the name of Ocelot three times already."

"I'm sorry, I don't know you would mind that." Kaz shrugged, "To be honest, I always felt that my soldiers were somehow scared of me than… That Man. Probably because of the way I chasten them."

"No."

"You think I'm scary too?"

"No fucking way." V repeated and eyes flickered, "How to say that in Japanese? Massaka?"

Kaz couldn't hold his laugh, "Snake, you are really different today. You never talked like this before."

"Because we never had conversations like this before."

Their eyes met and their motions stopped. Sure they wanted to have more shared time together. But the time rarely gave them the chances to match their schedules.

"You're right, " Kaz was somewhat sentimental, he contrived to get up, "I guess it's time for your dinner, I'll return if you want, just use your iDroid to call me."

Kaz passed through him, pressed the button to open the gate. His left foot stepped out, and V came to him, holding his waist carefully but rigidly. He turned the body of Kaz, and went closer to him like it was a perfectly natural thing. He wanted to give him a kiss. He looked at Kaz's face. Kaz understood exactly what he wanted now. He had been simmering this for years. He almost blurted it out, "I always want to do it." But he didn't, instead, he wanted to see the consent on Kaz' countenance. And Kaz glanced up. He was surprised of his own brevity, and Kaz was surprised that he was kissed by the neck. There was a moment of reticence, and both accepted it after that.

"Can't you just put aside your works for an hour?"

Half of the sky was already painted in orange. Sunset imminent.

"I'll be quick. It's about time to check your medical report too, hopefully everything is fine. And I must temper our staff members before the negative rumors spreading too wildly."

V nodded. It was a plausible excuse.

"Good weather, isn't it?" V synced his sight, "Wait for me outside the door after you finish your job."

Kaz stopped his step, his head tilted, "Is that an order?"

"It's more a personal request."

Kaz turned around, locked his eyes through his dim glasses at his boss for two seconds. He clearly wanted to say something but he swallowed them.

"Sure. Boss. Enjoy your meal." Kaz nodded.

V sat on the cot, he had time. He reflected what he had done moments ago, touching his lips until they got dry and he wanted to drink some hot soup. He went to the kitchen, and everything was evocative. Ah, he remembered that, one time when he and Kaz entered a kitchen to check the victuals for the soldiers in MSF. He had no idea if Kaz did the decorations on purpose. The kitchens in the mother base all looked very similar to that one. And luckily, the chef prepared a miso-jiru for him, just about time. He took several sips and drank them all after. The chef filled another bowl for him, and he had it with the rest of his dinner. And he made it quick because Kaz said he would be quick and he didn't want him to wait.

He pushed the table, thanked the chefs and left the dining room. There he returned to the deck before he was wondering where was everybody, Kaz was already there, alone, looking at the orange sky like that owed him something. Amazing, V thought, just a blink from the eyes of this man and he knew exactly what he desired. With this man supporting him, the only requirement for him was time, when the time came, Kaz would stand in front of him, and told him that the thing was done. 

"And the doctor said the report obviated all the necessity to further enquiries."

"Do you know what's the favorite moment in my life?" V joined the scene.

"Nope, what is it?"

"Like now, when we are enjoying the sunset together. Listening to this tranquil breath of the sea mixed with your voice."

Kaz didn't reply instantly, he glanced at the sea below, then he put his head on V's shoulder.

"Like this?"

"Yeah. I enjoy every minute of it."

-

Kaz's eyes opened, his headache woke him up. It had been days for this that he almost got used to it. Several minutes after he finished the bath, a man knocked the door. He went to the door and opened it. It was Venom, smiling at him under the rays of sun that was already above their head. His hair was more grizzled than he was in his dream. But the feeling of his emaciated fingers skimming across Kaz's face and blonde long hair didn't really change. 

"File 872580090."

"I had a feeling before I opened this door that it was you." Kaz smiled, "Though it still vexed me all these days when I had the same dream over and over. "

"Because I was on my way." V stepped back, welcoming Kaz getting outside.

Kaz looked back before he closed the door, there on the bed, lies his body peacefully, waiting to be discovered. He had no idea how he died, or why he was involved in this strange phenomenon. At least he had time to solve it now.

"Let's go take a walk." V offered a hand.

"Like we did before."

"What are we now? Disembodied spirits? Doppelgangers?" V took out his phantom cigar from the pocket.

"All I know is that we're in this together."

Kaz stopped his walk, took over the old iDroid V still had and lit the cigar for him.


End file.
